So much has been transforming lately, I really don’t know where to start. I guess I’ll start with the thing that I can’t stop thinking about since yesterday. The think that has me lost in this perfect moment to the point where I forgot to put my gas cap back on my car after filling up.
On Monday I left my house in L.A. and drove six hours up into the High Sierra Mountains looking for healing…and maybe something else?...at Mono Hot Springs, which border the Ansel Adams Wilderness. I brought my beloved Yaboo!, my black lab that has been my constant companion for the past 12 years. Last week when I brought him to the vet for a deworming, he was diagnosed with Lymphoma. His glands were really swollen and the vet said that he was dying.
“Are you going to put him on chemo-therapy?”
“No.” I couldn’t stand to put him through that.
“Then your only option is to give him these steroidal medications. They will help his body fight it for a little while, but then they will stop working and he will deteriorate quickly.”
“How long does he have?” Tears began to well up in my eyes. This was unexpected, even though I had noticed how I had to help him into the car lately, or how he smelled weird even after I gave him a bath. I just thought it was old age setting in. Not cancer.
“Oh, there’s no way to tell.”
“A couple years?”
“Oh no,” she looked at me with pity. “A couple of months at most.”
So let’s just say that is the reason I took off to the high sierra’s. To take my furry angel to soak in the healing springs. So much happened there. I felt things there that I have never felt before. I spoke directly to the awesomeness of nature and She spoke back to me! I saw things and met sages. I have so many stories from just the three days I spent there, but for now I am going to focus on that thing that put a smile on my face when I first opened my eyes this morning.
I am rising up like a phoenix from the fire…
I guess I have to preface this story again. In the beginning of the year, I began to transition patron Goddesses. Of course, the Roman Diana is the patron Goddess of my tradition (Dianic Witchcraft) but it has been Morrighan that has been teaching me since around 2005. My name became Boudica for a while even. I needed these sister warriors to help me figure out what to do with this anger that I have been carrying for many lives now. At Imbolc, I felt something new entering. Boundaries were dissolving around me. My skin began to become looser and detach. New cells beneath were dancing to become.
I am opening with sweet surrender to the luminous love light from within…
Aphrodite and water. But wait, I am fire grounded in Earth, not water. And Aphrodite is so…well…fem. Like, I don’t run around in lingerie getting fed grapes by chubby angels. But then I came upon some Aphrodite myths. I read about how she punished a disrespectful woman by making her lust enormously after a bull. The woman ended up having a friend make her a female bull suit so that she could hide inside and get fucked by huge bull cock. Maybe Aphrodite wasn’t so nicey nicey after all. She does seem to have a wicked sense of humor. So I started a relationship with her. I began to slowly realize that Aphrodite (or any of her many names) is extremely ancient and primal. She is desire, the most powerful force in the Universe. It is Desire that thrusts life into motion, propelling our genes to proliferate themselves, to get us out of bed every morning, to bring us to our knees in despair. She has been there since the beginning.
Woah, wait a minute. Do I want to be messing with such powerful and primal stuff? Should I call this power into my life? I was wary at first, but I began to call her in during Imbolc. Summer Solstice I invoked her. I invoked her again last week. I started to feel different, I began to not feel hungry and I am ALWAYS hungry. Before I left on my trip I purified and blessed myself. I thanked the water and asked that my body be Aphrodite’s temple. I promised to worship at Her temple and bring offerings every day. I asked Her to enter into me and spend some time with me to help build Her temple. This is different than invoking because usually you invoke in a circle and then devoke before opening. Always know how to banish what you conjure, that is the rule I was taught. But this is different because I was asking Her to walk with me throughout my days and nights. I felt different immediately. I don’t know how to describe exactly how strange I feel mentally and spiritually, but one of the physical manifestations is that I feel like there is clay in my stomach and I have to force myself to eat. I have a ton of energy though and no headaches. I’m extremely conscious about my health because I don’t want to desecrate the temple. It’s harder to escape out of my body and into my mind, as my body’s voice is much louder. I crave self care, I even went and got reflexology for the first time in my life. Have you ever had someone masturbate your foot? Oh Lordisa!
As I passed through two very gnarled redwood trees on the one lane road 7000 feet up the mountain, I distinctly felt that I was entering Her domain. And it was paradise. Little did I know that She had a surprise for me that I would never expect…but I am going to have to continue this story on my next post…