SEXCAPADES

Is that a word?  I haven’t written erotica since 1999.  I’m going to try some auto-biographical erotica now…

            We agreed to meet for the first time at the Brick, in Roslyn.  A measly 4 blocks from me but a good hour and a half drive for him.  Then there was that pesky 18 wheeler that skid and blocked all three lanes, stopping traffic dead on the 90 for an hour.  Oh, and it was starting to snow.  He said his van didn’t do snow.   It seemed like a lot of trouble to meet someone for the very first time.  Now I was feeling nervous, what if he got here and decided it really wasn’t worth all the effort?  What if he dies on the road because of the weather conditions?   What if he doesn’t come at all?  However, those kinds of thoughts are the enemy.  

            I walked out into the living room, which was warm and cozy from our stellar wood stove with its “magic heat” blower.   My mom was lounging in front of the TV.  She gave me a look then said, “Don’t wear that belt, the dress poofs out and makes you look pregnant.” 

            Fuck.

            Okay, so I go and change my clothes and I’m actually glad she said something because I feel 10 times more confident and comfortable in some black leggings layered with a tanktop and sweater.  I laughed, relieved, and put on the feather earrings my friend C, in Venice gave me (she had an ex boyfriend that once told her he had a present for her and then dropped trow to reveal a glittery g-string barely covering his junk.  But I digress).  They are bright and long and don’t match.  They rock.  

            Not too much makeup, but a little smoke around the eyes; thick layer of gloss on the lips.  With the makeup on I can see a glimpse of the vixen-maiden from what seems like forever ago.  She smiles and winks at me.  I remember when She felt confident about Herself, obstacles would melt from Her path at the mere sight of Her.  Portals would open in the Universe and She wanted to step through them.  I remember it like it was a past life but even now She still comes and goes briefly.  

Okay…I get that so far this is nowhere near erotica, but give me a chance, I think I can get there…

            I have this body spray that smells like cotton candy.  I find it incredibly yummy and I know its good because My daughter and her friends are always sniffing me and telling me I smelled nice.  When I was in LA and saw my old FWB he confirmed its appeal.  I made sure that I didn’t spray too much.

           It was still snowing when I left the house and I loved walking in it.  The first snow of the year.  I still had a couple hours before the date, and I wanted to meet some friends at the Eagles first for some shots of Fireball and good conversation.

Fast forward a couple hours…

            It’s about 9:30 and I’m at the Pasttime when I realize that people don’t have great cell service in this town so I had better go to the Brick and see if he’s there.  As I’m walking down the white, sparkling sidewalk, I see a man get out of a van and begin to head towards the Brick.  I think it’s him.  He’s cuter than I thought he’d be.  He was one of those that had a ton of really old pictures on his profile.  I mean ones from highschool.      He is part of the poly scene in Seattle that I tapped into on OKC.  I still haven’t made it to any of their meet and greets, but I corresponded with him and one of his partners.  Then I spoke to him on the phone for awhile.  I have never met anyone who has read more Pierce Anthony novels than I.  May I say that I was a little more than intrigued?  

I realize now that I am switching tenses.    I should just pick one and stick with it.

            I waited a minute then took a deep breathe, then I pulled open the doors and walked in.  A friendly chat with the bouncer who always waves me through saying, “Oh I know you,” makes me feel all special and local.  I scan the room and see him standing there staring at me.

Fuck! I switched tenses again! So fucking amateaur…

            When I’m nervous and have to speak, I go on autopilot. 

            I said, “Hey, you look familiar.”

            He said something which I don’t remember because I was on autopilot but I do remember that he was wearing a warm smile behind a nicely trimmed beard, blue eyes and dark, thick hair.  I bought him a drink to show that I was truly flattered that he made such a treacherous journey to come and meet me.  We sit down to talk but the band is loud.  After our drink we decide to go to his van and smoke.  It’s a conversion van, with a bed in it!  This is so extremely cool because I cannot and will not bring anyone home.  It began to dawn on me that I was going to possibly get laid tonight.  He shows me that he brought tequila and grenadine and all this stuff to make me drinks.  He remembered that I like tequila.  I can tell that he likes to give, and I see darkness there too.  I reach into my coat pocket and instinctively finger my knife.  Always there in case I get myself into a compromising position.

            During our conversation we start to slowly touch hands, intertwining fingers, caressing each other’s palms.  He comments that he appreciates what a sensual creature I am.  “And by the way, you’re gorgeous.”  

            I think that my response gave away that I’m incredibly self conscious.  Every compliment that he offered had me giggling or trying to return the compliment without seeming like I thought he was fishing for compliments.  I’m too much in my head ALL of the time.  Even when having sex sometimes.  I focused myself and tried to stay present.          

  

            What interesting things he had to say! He had read practically all of the the same sci-fi books that I had and way more.  He even sheepishly made a Supernatural reference that I totally got.  I didn’t feel embarrassed about all of the goddess mythology references I kept making.  Oh Aphrodite isn’t light and airy at all, She is the primal force behind desire… or, I theorize that the resurrection of Jesus is actually based on the Sumerian story of Innana’s descent… Our kindred inner nerds were totally bonding.  As we explored each other’s heads with our conversation, our hands continued exploring the outer perimeters of our bodies.  

            He felt nice, but I never know if I’m really attracted to a person on a base, physical level unless I kiss them.  I think it’s a truly chemical thing.  One taste and I know.  Whatever chemical reaction happens they taste good, with a pheromone-sweetness on my tongue.  

I can’t remember if we kiss at this point or not! Holy shit that is so fucked up…we went to the van, and then to the pastime and had another drink. Then back to the van…I know we kissed in the van, but was it before the pastime or after?...

            I think that we did not kiss at this point, and go to the Passtime for a drink.  This time he buys mine.  I know many of the people there, and I think this is the first time they’ve seen me on a date.  However, they have seen me get down with another woman in there before.  My date got up to go to the bathroom and a friend at the bar says, “Oh, someone’s gonna get some tonight,” and fist-pounds me.  I make it blow up.  We left and head back to the van.  My friend S said we could park in the alley in front of her house if we want.  We did.

Every act of consenting pleasure is an act of worship under Goddess…

            I sat on the bed in the back of the van and he leaned in to kiss me.  I noticed that yes, he is sweet.  I am more of a lip nibbler and he liked to circle and flick his tongue around the tip of mine.  Neither of us are tongue thrusters, not that I mind receiving the thrust I just don’t like to thrust myself. 

Yes I am trying to be erotic, and yes I know I was close and then just went into nerdy…

            Tilting my chin back, I exposed my neck, my most erogenous as well as overlooked zone.  He leans back a little to glimpse the skin on my throat, then begins to lay the most tender kisses there.  His lips were so soft and cozy that if it had not been for the beard, I would have thought a woman was kissing me.  A warmth ignited deep inside my pussy that began to spread up and throughout the rest of my body, and I knew I was very, very wet.  

            My sweater came off and I freed my arms from the straps of the tank top underneath.  He leaned back against some pillows to get a better look.  I leaned forward to kiss him again and as I did he accomplished that coveted in high school – one handed -bra unsnapping move.  My breasts rewarded him by tumbling forward into his mouth.

            My nipples used to be incredibly sensitive.  Since breastfeeding, however, there is nothing more ecstatic than having them sucked.  I think it’s because my daughter didn’t eat very much and I produced so much milk that sometimes when I laid on my back my nipples would shoot mini fountains.  Oh they would ache so bad and then get real hot and spill.

            Eyes rolling back in my skull, my sense of time and reality began to shimmer and fairy dust dazzled and glistened on skin.  He was intoxicating.  I felt between worlds, submerged, even lost.  My leggings had tiptoed off somewhere with my panties, and soon he was kissing, nibbling and licking the inside of my thighs.    His fingers converged upon my wetness and it delighted him.   Beginning to explore inside me now, he curved his index and middle fingers up towards himself, hitting my g-spot perfectly.  His tongue found my clit, lightning shot through my spine, my back was arched in rapture and I was calling out for Earth and Sky.  The climax detonated and I catapulted to the Underworld, to the Heavens.  From there I softly floated back into the van.  When I came to and regained awareness of where I was again, I just started to giggle. I always giggle  after I cum but I also realized that I had orgasmed in a record less than two minutes.  It usually takes me at least 10.

BEST BLOW JOB EVER!

Gardening and other exciting stuff

Below are some pics from my mom and my garden.  Also, in other exciting news, I went to Seattle and met EcoWhore.  She was every bit as awesome as she comes off in her blog.  It was a momentous occasion for me, because it was her blog, Hobostripper, that inspired me to start writing again.  She is someone that I think a lot of people would benefit from reading.  I also met another fan of hers, who was very cool too, a poet who told me all about the Groovy Jews House in Seattle.  She also said that if something terrifies her, that means that she should probably do it.  That made me feel really good for some reason.

On the witchy front, I did an abundance spell with some of the local community here and really good things have been happening to everyone.  Not like windfalls of money or anything but more like sprinkles of prosperity.  I wished for myself to have the obstacles removed that were in the way of my heart's desires.  I ended up getting in a fight with my x and having all of these triggers come up.  They were things from when I was a small child.  I had a good cry and then felt like I was brand new.  It was really good.  Then I got notice from MomsRising that they couldn't keep me on as an intern after August 30th.  Now I have to find a new job, but even though I'm bummed about losing that job, it might just be in the way of my heart.  So now I will be forced to not be complacent, get off my ass, and look for new horizons.  I'm okay with that.

I've been dating a little bit, and its been fun.  Both men and women.  There is one very pretty grrrrr in Ellensburg but it seems like we are both gravitating in different directions.  I've found someone that I think I really like, and I'm a little surprised because it is not someone that would ever catch my eye...I mean, the kind of person that you go by in the grocery store and don't even notice.  But once you make yourself look, well, his heart is like a kaleidoscope of radiant gems and syrups. My own juices are flowing with the bright heat of summer, and love is floating with the fuzzy cotton tree seeds in the wind.


Oh, and I packed in 5 miles to Goldmyer HotSprings in Washington.  Below is a photo of me channeling Aphrodite in the hottest pool.  Behind me is a mine shaft and so one can wade to the back of that cave and sit on a bench.  It really felt like being in a womb.

So...  back to the garden.  I wish I could take credit for this but it's really my mom.  She doesn't know it, but she's a green witch.  If you put a garlic clove in her hand it will begin to sprout.  I can take credit for the compost though, and I did help plant the seeds.  However, I'm not the ones keeping them alive.  Tonight I made a salad from the lettuce in the garden.  It's important to clean the leaves very carefully, as there are slugs and other critters.  I mixed the greens with feta cheese, red chili powder, and an ripe, juicy peach.  The peach tastes just like summer to me.  Mixed with some balsamic vinegar and olive oil, a little salt, and it was juuuuuuuuuust right.

Okay, here are some pics of the garden...

lettuce, sweet peas, cucumber, tomatoes, mint, marigolds

f

corn, mint, and a whole bunch of herbs that I don't know yet

My compost.  Just a Hole with a black trash bag to cover it.  Lots of plants like to grow around my compost

adorable white wildflowers growing around my compost

I have a pear tree in my yard!

I planted these Petunias, wildflowers, and Marigolds on my deck and got my little gnomie from a store in town called, Mr. Higglebottom's

  

Cle Elum Lake

Mave Update

Mave finally got strong enough to fly into her/his tree!  The parents were wildly happy even though they are still upset with me.  I think all is well and this little crow might make it.  It was really hard taking care of Mave because she needed to eat every 1/2 hour and pooped a lot.  I'm happy I was able to do it, though.

The Dark Fledgling

I love crows and ravens.  They are indeed iconic to me, especially after my work and time spent with Morrighan in my first years as a witch. Since last summer I have been working with Aphrodite, which is very interesting (She has a sense of humor and likes to surprise me).  But Morrighan is really the Mother that came into my life, stripping all the facade away, which hurt a lot, but exposed my authentic Self.  She then worked diligently with me to carve and polish the rough and raw into something magnificent.  I'm more happy and whole than I've ever been in my life and that is the power of Goddess, my friends.

All Spring I've been seeing dead baby crows everywhere that get blown out of their nests and then eaten by something.  In my back yard there is a nest at the top of one of the 6 tall pines that make up the property line.  3 days ago, I found a fledgling crow caught in my trampoline net.  It was bleeding but not broken.  I know everyone's attitude up here is, "leave nature be," and I know that you are not supposed to interfere with wildlife but I just had to help this little bugger who just isn't quite ready to fly back up to the nest.  So I took it in, tended it's wounds, fed it, and named it Mave.

Mave is a bit too old to imprint, I think.  She (I have no idea what sex Mave is, actually) doesn't seem to like me but she takes food and water from me and begs incessantly from my window ledge, which is now covered in shit.  Baby crows need to eat every half hour and I've been feeding her a high protein diet of egg, chicken, soaked dog food, quinoa, spinach, and crushed eggshell. I must admit this is cramping my social life, especially since my daughter is visiting her dad right now so it really is the only time I do have a raging social life, and the Blue Moon Campout is taking place 15 miles up the road.
Every day I take Mave to the back yard for a couple of hours, where her parents scream and yell at her to fly the hell back up to the nest, but she doesn't.  I don't think she can.  She has improved a lot and is already looking stronger just after these past few days.  I'm certain she will be flying within (hopefully) the end of the week.

An environment that nurtures...

The quietness has allowed me to listen to myself.  Not just my soul but my body too.  I’ve been working for a long time to increase communication between my physical body and my mind/emotional body.  Throughout the blog I think I’ve documented some of the crazy diets I’ve put myself through, as I was always chasing the body I had before I became a mother and gained 100 pounds.  Up and down on the weight teeter-totter I went, until my body began to believe it was the apocalypse and just stored everything it could and waited for the end.  Add depression and being an emotional eater to that and suddenly I was 130 pounds overweight.  I noticed my daughter has this mechanism that tells her when she’s had enough and is full.  Did I have this too?  That is when I changed my attitude and instead of trying to lose weight, I would try to increase communication to my body.  I did a spell.  I asked my body to tell me loud and clear what it needed.  Guess what happened?  Every time I would go binge on fast food I would get extremely ill.  Then it would simply be eating late that would trigger morning after vomiting.  Certain foods gave me a hangover worse than if I had gotten sloshed the night before.  My insides just hurt.  My body was screaming and crying and super pissed off.  I felt sick all the time.  What had I done?

Since I’ve been here (March 1^st), I’ve lost about 15 pounds.  More important, I feel better than I have in a couple years.  I am certainly not dieting in any way; I’m actually eating anything I want.  If I crave a cheeseburger and fries, I have it.  I drink more alcohol than I did in LA.  Even beer which I gave up when I realized my sensitivity to gluten.  There are some things that I’ve added to my diet, which are kefir or kale smoothies with flax seed.  Increase fruits and vegetables and water.  Take vitamins.  These were things I had already been doing before I moved, though.  So why now?

Well part of it is certainly the increase in physical activity.  Having to chop and fetch wood for example is a new daily activity.  I also make a point not to drive in town.  Not just for health reasons but also to save gas and lessen my pollution.   So I’m walking to the post office, the store, the bar.  And then there is the vast wilderness to explore.  My feet are taking me to places that are bewitching with beauty.  And I go out sometimes to the bars which are actually fun here and listen to good live music and dance.  I don’t watch tv anymore.  I mean I have one and I have a dvd player, a wii and Netflix; but I never got cable.  Instead of cable, I bought a trampoline and have learned how to hoola-hoop for the first time in my entire life.    I guess the main reason I feel healthier is because I’m happier.  I’m having fun.  I’m inspired by my surroundings.  That fullness that I mentioned in my last post, it’s enough.  I have confidence now that my body will naturally revert to a healthier version of itself – whatever that looks like—if I just continue to strive for wholeness and happiness. 

Settling in

It seems like the world is spinning much faster up here.  I’m still thawing out from the coldest Spring I’ve ever encountered (what will I do when winter comes?), but She has finally gotten up out of Her Winter slumber and is busying herself with decorating the mountainside with wild flowers, daisies, daffodils, hyacinth, tulips and many others that I can’t begin to name.  Yesterday I went on a walk with my daughter and her friend  through the woods (actually they took their bikes so we called it a bikike,) and found myself in bright, colorful meadows amidst pines and cottonwoods.  The cottonwoods smell so very sweet.  My daughter’s friend said smiling that they smelled just like her grand-pops tobacco pipe before he died.

I can really understand now the difference of an environment that is nurturing, and an environment that is depleting.  I couldn’t hear myself amidst the noise and energy of 5 million people and the industry it takes to sustain them.  I had to check out a lot, because to be so present in that place hurt.  In Roslyn, WA there are only 900 people.  When I hike up on the ridge, and I see the little town like a tiny mole in the midst of so many trees and mountains – and I can see how slight and insignificant we humans really are- and it makes me feel really good for some reason, comforted actually; I am able to hear Her voice resounding as loud as any civilization.

When people stress me out, which they inevitably do no matter where you go, I go into my backyard and simply listen to the wind in the trees, or marvel at the sky which has no flatness to it up here, but more like a fishbowl quality.  Sometimes the clouds drop down to touch the still snow-peaked mountains.  When I come back I feel fed.  I am full.

Scorpio moon exposes shit smell of people; Mother Nature blazes heights of beauty

            The moon is beginning to wan now after blazing in cold fullness in Scorpio.  Scorpio, frigid, cunning hag who digs through the dumps of our souls and spreads all the stinky garbage around.  Then we have to run out, chase her away, and clean all the shit up.

            Things that I knew weren’t really working but I was trying to pretend they were working are REALLY NOT WORKING in a way that is impossible to ignore.

            I have these friends up here that I love like family, but they are super moochy and entitled and kind of expect their friends to pick up the slack where they refuse to tug.  And I was navigating that really well.  Trying to help but also assert my boundaries.  And then he insulted me in my own backyard the other day.  Now I feel like I want nothing to do with them but I know I have to somehow work it out.  And then someone else I thought was a friend was rude to my daughter.  She was walking home and said hi to this woman I thought was my friend and the woman said, “Sorry, I just really don’t want to hear children right now.”  When my daughter told me this I think my heart caught on fire.  I wanted to call her and tell her that maybe my daughter didn’t want to see her sad, alcoholic ass standing in front of the bar smoking every day but at least she has the manners to not say that.  And then I would like to punch her in her mouth.  But I don’t.  I know that she was probably drunk when she said it, not that it’s an excuse.  But don’t come fucking eat dinner at my house and then be rude to my daughter. 

            Oh and someone hung a noose from their big tree on the main road.  Which was really embarrassing when my sister came to visit from LA.  I might make a sign that says, “This noose is ignorant and disrespectful to the tens of thousands of women, children and men that were unjustly tortured due to the tradition of  lynching.” Out of cardboard and red paint and stick it on their fence one night.  People are starting to suck.

            But the forest and sky and rivers – all walking distance is vibrating extreme shades of green.  Flowers and trees are radiating blooms, hummingbirds flit about the new feeder I put out.  It is breathtakingly beautiful.  Her voice is so present everywhere I look.  I saw a Bald Eagle sore silently over me the other day as I walked down to the river.  It is nourishment.  So I will listen to Her voice, as it is strong enough to drive out the shitty smell of people that lingers in my chest.

Intro to Taco Chop

taco chop: When one woman approaches another woman and delivers a swift, hard, upper-cut, “karate chop” between the other woman’s legs.  Also known as the, “pussy punch.”

    The rolling sky had darkened to that mysterious cyan  that is found in the coldest part of colossal ice. It was too dark to see the brightly painted corrugated tin roofs that populated the tops of houses that are nestled up against the mountain.  Yellow, pink, blue, green, their cheerful demeanor faded into dark shadows with the thousands of pines looming behind them.  It is a horizon that I’m not used to.  So different from the sky in Los Angeles with it’s flatness.  The sound of waves crashing on broad, golden beaches replaced with the roaring of wind through ponderosa.  Was it nighttime? I checked out the color of the sky, not quite dark.  Dusk here must last for over an hour. 

    Dusk.  One of those ‘tween areas. Hanging in between the reality of day and night, like a doorway to another place.

     Sidestreet Reny began to do their thing and I noticed that for a very small town, (not more than 900 people), there were sure a lot of lesbians running amuck.  Moving to the music while also observing those moving around me, I noticed a very sturdy looking woman in a hoodie and a ponytail walk up to another woman wearing overalls and deliver a blow straight to her crotch.  The recipient of the seemingly sudden pubic  violence doubled over in pain, only to rise again with a face contorted with giggles.  A new friend of mine saw the expression of surprise and dismay on my face and  quickly grabbed me by the arm. “You’ve never seen a taco chop, have you?”
    “A what?” The whole idea of this type of thing was foreign to me.
    “The taco chop.  Pussy Punch,” she laughed as I still couldn’t comprehend.
    “It’s a game the women up here play.  Only women are allowed to play and you can only do it to women who have agreed first that they are playing.  Can I give you one?”
    I raised my eyebrows.  My new friend, T, assured me that she would be gentle.  “Okay,” I relented and braced for impact.  There was a gentle pat on my pubic bone.  I opened my eyes and thanked her for so kindly initiating me.  And then we danced.
   
    And we drank much more.

    Young, cute butch eyeing me.  Short hair, streaked with blue.  Couldn’t be over 25. We flirt, intelligently at first, the way women do even when totally wasted.  I end up moving with her on the dance floor.  My Venus rises as does my blood alcohol level.  Everything seems like it’s bubbling up out of the uneven wooden floor of the tavern.

     I think my brain caught up as I began realizing myself back into cognitive realization and found myself with hands all over this little one’s breasts, flicking my tongue all over the back of her neck, scraping my teeth against her soft skin.  She turns her head to the side and we touch tongues and lips together.  A feeling of overwhelming intoxication is replaced with a concern for the spectacle I might be making of myself.  It’s my first night out in my new town.  There goes the low profile I was meaning to cultivate.