The quietness has allowed me to listen to myself. Not just my soul but my body too. I’ve been working for a long time to increase communication between my physical body and my mind/emotional body. Throughout the blog I think I’ve documented some of the crazy diets I’ve put myself through, as I was always chasing the body I had before I became a mother and gained 100 pounds. Up and down on the weight teeter-totter I went, until my body began to believe it was the apocalypse and just stored everything it could and waited for the end. Add depression and being an emotional eater to that and suddenly I was 130 pounds overweight. I noticed my daughter has this mechanism that tells her when she’s had enough and is full. Did I have this too? That is when I changed my attitude and instead of trying to lose weight, I would try to increase communication to my body. I did a spell. I asked my body to tell me loud and clear what it needed. Guess what happened? Every time I would go binge on fast food I would get extremely ill. Then it would simply be eating late that would trigger morning after vomiting. Certain foods gave me a hangover worse than if I had gotten sloshed the night before. My insides just hurt. My body was screaming and crying and super pissed off. I felt sick all the time. What had I done?
Since I’ve been here (March 1st), I’ve lost about 15 pounds. More important, I feel better than I have in a couple years. I am certainly not dieting in any way; I’m actually eating anything I want. If I crave a cheeseburger and fries, I have it. I drink more alcohol than I did in LA. Even beer which I gave up when I realized my sensitivity to gluten. There are some things that I’ve added to my diet, which are kefir or kale smoothies with flax seed. Increase fruits and vegetables and water. Take vitamins. These were things I had already been doing before I moved, though. So why now?
Well part of it is certainly the increase in physical activity. Having to chop and fetch wood for example is a new daily activity. I also make a point not to drive in town. Not just for health reasons but also to save gas and lessen my pollution. So I’m walking to the post office, the store, the bar. And then there is the vast wilderness to explore. My feet are taking me to places that are bewitching with beauty. And I go out sometimes to the bars which are actually fun here and listen to good live music and dance. I don’t watch tv anymore. I mean I have one and I have a dvd player, a wii and Netflix; but I never got cable. Instead of cable, I bought a trampoline and have learned how to hoola-hoop for the first time in my entire life. I guess the main reason I feel healthier is because I’m happier. I’m having fun. I’m inspired by my surroundings. That fullness that I mentioned in my last post, it’s enough. I have confidence now that my body will naturally revert to a healthier version of itself – whatever that looks like—if I just continue to strive for wholeness and happiness.