The moon is beginning to wan now after blazing in cold fullness in Scorpio. Scorpio, frigid, cunning hag who digs through the dumps of our souls and spreads all the stinky garbage around. Then we have to run out, chase her away, and clean all the shit up.
Things that I knew weren’t really working but I was trying to pretend they were working are REALLY NOT WORKING in a way that is impossible to ignore.
I have these friends up here that I love like family, but they are super moochy and entitled and kind of expect their friends to pick up the slack where they refuse to tug. And I was navigating that really well. Trying to help but also assert my boundaries. And then he insulted me in my own backyard the other day. Now I feel like I want nothing to do with them but I know I have to somehow work it out. And then someone else I thought was a friend was rude to my daughter. She was walking home and said hi to this woman I thought was my friend and the woman said, “Sorry, I just really don’t want to hear children right now.” When my daughter told me this I think my heart caught on fire. I wanted to call her and tell her that maybe my daughter didn’t want to see her sad, alcoholic ass standing in front of the bar smoking every day but at least she has the manners to not say that. And then I would like to punch her in her mouth. But I don’t. I know that she was probably drunk when she said it, not that it’s an excuse. But don’t come fucking eat dinner at my house and then be rude to my daughter.
Oh and someone hung a noose from their big tree on the main road. Which was really embarrassing when my sister came to visit from LA. I might make a sign that says, “This noose is ignorant and disrespectful to the tens of thousands of women, children and men that were unjustly tortured due to the tradition of lynching.” Out of cardboard and red paint and stick it on their fence one night. People are starting to suck.
But the forest and sky and rivers – all walking distance is vibrating extreme shades of green. Flowers and trees are radiating blooms, hummingbirds flit about the new feeder I put out. It is breathtakingly beautiful. Her voice is so present everywhere I look. I saw a Bald Eagle sore silently over me the other day as I walked down to the river. It is nourishment. So I will listen to Her voice, as it is strong enough to drive out the shitty smell of people that lingers in my chest.