Thursday, October 30, 2008

...more vivid dreaming and crazy weight loss

My friend Layla and I decided to move in together. We were in a very rural area and lived in a mobile home. I suspect that it is a replica of the mobile home I lived in as a child. We had lots of roommates, and we were all students at a local university. It was the same university that I always dream about. Large and built out of stone and bordering Italy for some reason. There were lots of places in this dream that I always dream about but usually separately. The mountains and forested canyons, the school, a bus that takes you from Canada to Italy, the beach, Green Valley, the airport, the mall and the swanky hotel. It's strange for me to mix the locations all together in one dream. Anyway, it was the classic betrayal script, where the people I choose to build my life with end up being horrible and totally flake on me and don't care if my life is ruined. This time I was left in a faraway land with no money and no way home and BOTH my parents came to my rescue. That was new. I also remember meeting a boy that was alotlike my x husband but younger and more innocent and mulatto (Jimmy is white). I begged this boy to come with me to the "fairy peninsula", the really great place I sometimes go to in my dreams where everyone is happy, and pagan, and magickal and fairies and people live together. However, he wouldn't come so I took my mom instead, but we had to turn back before we got there.

It's weird that I NEVER dream of my daughter. When I was pregnant all I would dream about is dead babies everywhere. Luckily I don't dream that EVER anymore. I wonder why she isn't in my dreams. All of my dreams usually take place with people in my past.

So I've already lost 5 pounds since Monday. The first two days were binge days so it's weird that I lost weight during those days. I've only been restricting my diet since yesterday. Yesterday I had the most terrible headache and was so tired. I had to smoke a bowl when I got home to ease my head. I had my friend take "before" pics of me and I thought I would be so bummed when I saw them but I wasn't. I definitely have some extra meat on me but I was able to see my physical beauty in the pictures and that is a huge thing for me. I have classes today from 11am to 10 pm so I will more than likely smoke a bowl when I get home tonight or end up vomiting. I'm almost out of weed so after that it's cold turkey. This morning so far I feel great. Lots of energy, no headache. I have an optimistic feeling.

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