I recently posted when I was very depressed and feeling lost. I haven't felt like writing until today but I do want to say that the process out of that is still taking place. What has taken me back to myself is alot of hot showers, self blessings and masturbation. Have you ever gave yourself an orgasm while honoring and blessing your womb and yoni and saying aloud, "I love you."? It's an incredible experience that no womyn should deny herself. It can certainly brighten my day.
In two and a half weeks I will begin my ascent fully, but for right now I am still in my cocoon, partially liquefied and connecting with my sister selves. I've been invoking Ereshkegal to do this, and am in the process of transforming one of my sister selves. Right now she has just died(I, as Ereshkegal, have just killed her and reduced her to ashes), and she is now sitting on my altar in a little tomb. Tonight, as Erishkegal, I will rebirth her ashes into new life and new form. For She is me and I am the end and the beginning. Blessed Be.
Anyway, my diet is going rather well. I haven't been so abstinent this week, Last night I crammed two chocodiles into my face before I even knew it and a couple of days ago I HAD to have a quesadilla. That put about 6 pounds back on me but all in all, I've lost 20 pounds. I'm in my fourth week and have 6 total. When I begin to widen my variety of foods and drink wine again I will officially start my "ascent" back to the world of the living. At yule, I'll be reborn something new, and prepare for the work of living and thriving, and sending my energy outward again. Warmth, sunlight, growth. The wheel keeps turning.
Here is my self blessing, which is the Dianic Self Blessing (slightly modified to suit me) taught by Z.B. and COA. Keep in mind that a self blessing can be anything one likes, as long as it's honoring, loving and blessing to oneself.
Blessed is mind, that I may always think of Her.
Blessed are my eyes, that they be open to all of the beauty and magick that is in the Universe, and in myself.
Blessed is my mouth that I may sing and speak my truth, loudly, clearly and with conviction.
Blessed are my hands to do Her work, and manifest My will.
Blessed is my heart that it be open to all of the love that is in the world.
Blessed are my beautiful breasts, to enfold and nurture life.
Blessed is my solar plexus, the fire in my belly and spark to achieving my heart's desires.
Blessed is my womb and Yoni, for pleasure and for creating. The gateway of life. May I create as She has in bringing forth the entire Universe.
Blessed are my legs and feet, that strongly carry me on my true path.
Blessed am I Blessed is She Blessed are We (here I make a double circle mandola with my arms visualizing my GoddessSelf and I as one) Blessed Be.
Now I'm living in Portland, Oregon, from Roslyn, WA, after leaving Los Angeles, CA in 2010. Searching inside and out for a new paradigm is my major goal in life right now. The patriarchal, racist and classist world that we live in gives me complete and utter indigestion (literally); so I continue on my spiral journey, keeping my eyes open for other worlds and drawing inspiration from those who are also searching.
("Sloth Womyn," is a reference from, "The Womyn's Holy Book of Mysteries," by Z.E. Budapest.)