I have to say that I feel 10 times better today than I did when I wrote the previous post and even called to make peace with my good friends that I left in Portland after we had a huge falling out last summer. It was that big blowout that landed me back in hell-A and a major cause for my being immensly depressed since August. To talk to them honestly today and have them tell me that they valued me so much and were sorry about what happened immediately filled a crack that cut across my heart. When Bell said, "I regret that when you needed me I wasn't there for you." I told her that I was sorry for all of the ugliness I laid on her and that I was sorry things didn't work out the way we had planned. I told them both that I love them still so much and they mirrored that love back to me. I told them that no matter what, I am so grateful that I was able to be a small part of their beautiful music. It was then that I realized how much I have been missing them but not wanting to admit it. A feeling came over me that I can only describe as homesickness and I began to cry. After the tears dried, I feel so different, like I have literally shed a skin.
Somehow, I think that everything worked out for the best. Reny used to always talk about how he wanted to have home base be an RV. He wanted to pay no overhead and be able to tour around the country playing his music. A wildly romantic idea that I have always supported, but to me only a fantasy. Realistically, I don't think I could do that with my daughter. She loves going to school and the stability of a permanent home. My commitment to her well being outweighs my gypsy desires. Well anyway, now they have a little trailer that they are pulling behind a truck. They painted it turquoise and orange and have all three cats and their pug living in it with them. They are free now to play wherever and whenever they choose, they can be on tour indefinitely. If I had stayed with them, because of my daughter, they wouldn't have been able to transition so swiftly into this ideal living situation.
So if they are where they are supposed to be in the Universe at this moment, maybe I can have faith that I too, am presently where I'm supposed to be. Maybe.
Sidestreet Reny is the greatest urban/avaunt acoustic blues band ever. They are really looking for venues to plan their tour, so please listen to their music and if you don't think it's the shit I'll be very surprised. If you know of a venue in your community that they could play at, throw them a bone, you won't regret it. They are beautiful, inside and out.
Now I'm living in Portland, Oregon, from Roslyn, WA, after leaving Los Angeles, CA in 2010. Searching inside and out for a new paradigm is my major goal in life right now. The patriarchal, racist and classist world that we live in gives me complete and utter indigestion (literally); so I continue on my spiral journey, keeping my eyes open for other worlds and drawing inspiration from those who are also searching.
("Sloth Womyn," is a reference from, "The Womyn's Holy Book of Mysteries," by Z.E. Budapest.)