Interesting happenings and rambles (aka update on my life)
The first week of the semester and school is already kicking my ass! However, I love my classes, and my professors. I'm trying an online class this semester and so far I love it! I'm going to be doing what I love most this cycle. Reading, writing, and talking about reading and writing. Since I'm a Women's Studies major, I get to read and write about women! How great is my life?
If you asked me what I would do if I won the lottery, I would say, "travel, see lots of live music, and read and write instead of working." Ummm, hello? I don't need lots of money to live my dream. That in itself feels so freeing.
Recently I posted about how the Universe will drop something delicious into my lap this year. It would be something that I would not even imagine could happen to me. I also posted during my pluto transit phase that pluto is supposed to leave a great gift after fucking up your house. Well, I think it's happening.
Yesterday, I get an email from the assistant editor of HUSTLER magazine. She is a woman and a mother by the way. I still have no idea how she found me, but Apparently HUSTLER has a column called "College Report." I was asked to cover the Esha Momeni story at CSUN. I was asked to write a 750 word feminist piece with pictures for a national porno magazine. A magazine that has a 99% male readership. A readership that I now have an opportunity to appeal to. God Damn, I'm gonna make feminism sexy!
And I am going to be paid $1 per word!!!!!! I know labels suck but my whole life I've wanted to call myself a "freelance writer." I need to not only be published, but be paid in order to hold that title. Ahem, Well folks, ask me what I "do" please. I won't hate on you anymore. Because I'm gonna say that I'm a freelance writer!
This certainly falls into the category of something that I could not have imagined would happen to me this year.
It's amazing how the same things that excite me, and bring me joy, also give me panic attacks (please pass the bong and the prozac). I'm scared shitless. This is so different for me. Before I had no credibility and when I spoke my "radical" ideas, people rolled their eyes at me. So I made an effort to make myself smaller. Instead of choosing to burn brightly like the sun, I chose to cover myself with dark clouds and rain and burn resentfully and quietly behind them.
On my recent visit to my high priestess in Ojai, she told me that I do a dis-service not only to myself but to the world by making myself smaller. She said it was time to shine. Yesterday when I spoke in my "women and violence" class, I thought I would get a lot of eye rolls. Instead, the entire class applauded. Of course this made me turn red and sweat profusely, I can't help it. But I also felt so good. I felt like I'm a capable human being with something important to say. For a moment, I felt like a Goddess who has mastery of this human form instead of struggling with being human all of the time. It felt as good as falling in love.
I was given a beautiful, green stone by my high priestess to keep for her until she calls on it again. I am so honored, because this stone has been used for many years by so many women in various Goddess ritual to invoke Earth, including the founders, and including myself. Below is a picture of it on my altar. next to it you see a spell card and it is for health. The other spell card next to my cauldron is for wisdom. The candle behind it is a candle spell a very sweet, Goddess women made and gave to me with a picture of Themis holding scales. This is a spell for social justice that I have been burning through for almost 2 years. My altar is my own little Universe that I control and create. It represents what I want my reality to hold.
Now I'm living in Portland, Oregon, from Roslyn, WA, after leaving Los Angeles, CA in 2010. Searching inside and out for a new paradigm is my major goal in life right now. The patriarchal, racist and classist world that we live in gives me complete and utter indigestion (literally); so I continue on my spiral journey, keeping my eyes open for other worlds and drawing inspiration from those who are also searching.
("Sloth Womyn," is a reference from, "The Womyn's Holy Book of Mysteries," by Z.E. Budapest.)